The Battle Of The Mess Hall

(C)James J Alonzo


Being assigned to a cavalry unit, in our Troop, we had an officer named Lt Colossi who was not a command officer, but I think he was the Army Intelligence Officer! This was stretch because he wasn't the brightest kid on the block. Lt Colossi stood about 5'6", 145 lbs, and was a 90 day wonder; a private that was trained through officer candidate school in 90 days, then given the rank of an officer. It must of pissed off the West Point Officers who studied at the academy for four years to look at this clown standing there tobacco pipe in his mouth, sunglasses, holding his hands on his hip like General McArthur. 

There is a saying that "birds of a feather flock together", and Lt Colossi did hang with the supply officer, a Lt Basile equally a 90 day wonder, and equally not too bright, equally a short 5'6" 145 lbs, Prima Donna. Both these clowns thought they were warriors, and that America sent them to Viet Nam to save the American peasant soldiers. 

When out in the jungle these clowns would make sure they were armed to the teeth carrying practically every weapon they could get away with. But Lt Basile was the one to watch, because he thought he was a quick draw artist with his 1911 Colt automatic pistol! 

One day Lt Colossi was headed for our mess hall which was just behind our barracks and BOQ (batchlor officer quarters) sleeping quarters. Dawn was just breaking and apparently there was no one else in the area. Along the front of the mess hall and along its sides was a loose pea gravel walkway. The mess hall was built on raised cinder blocks because during the rainy season there were the floods. 

Just when Lt Colossi turned the corner of the mess hall to go to the side door, something slithered from underneath the mess hall and all he could think to do was step on its head. 

Realizing he just stepped on a poisonous snake, he tried to kill it by grinding his boot with most of his weight on that snake!  All that happened was the snake curled its body around his leg. Thanks to the loose pea gravel, all he seemed to be doing was making that snake mad as it curled tighter around his leg. He suddenly realized he had a 'tiger by the tail', he had to be careful.  

He looked around in panic, still no one was to be seen and He could not see any cooks or kitchen workers in the mess hall. Out of desperation, Lt Colossi began yelling for help, hopeing someone would hear him! Finally Lt Brasile showed up, coming around the corner, wanting to know what Lt Colossi was yelling about. 

Lt Colossi just pointed to the snake wrapped around his leg and its head under his boot. Lt Brasile's eyes got big, 

" Holy shit!" Lt Brasile shouted, quick drawing his weapon, "hold still and I'll shoot him!" and fired his pistol at the snake and Lt Colossi's foot!!

"What," Lt Colossi shouted as Lt Brasile started firing  about 8 foot from Lt Colossi, 

About four weeks Later, we heard that after Lt Colossi got out of the hospital, he had won the Purple Heart for being wounded white defending the perimeter of our base camp, during the battle of the mess hall. And Lt Brasile was awarded a Bronze Star for saving a fellow 'officer and gentleman' during said same battle, who had been attacked by unknown numbers of Viet Cong during hand to hand combat. 

(during Viet Nam officers since they were considered "Officers and Gentlemen" above reproach, were allowed to write up after action reports put themselves in for certain medals, and with two officers working on concert, they had dressed up their experience at the battle of the mess hall.)