Man Arrested For Being Stupid

Man Arrested For Being Stupid

(C) James J Alonzo

When I was a member of the Erie County Sheriffs Dept, Reserve Division, there were times that my friend Jack, an Evans, NY police officer, would allow me to ride with him when he was on single police officer patrol at the mid night shift on weekends. This was a busy time, since this shift usually covered the weekend drinkers and drivers, bar fights, etc. My status a a New York peace officer allowed me legally to assist him.  

One warm summer evening Jack and I went to Angola village to serve an burglary arrest warrant.  We arrived at a small dumpy house. When we went up to the entrance the door was open and we observed three subjects asleep in the front room. We announced ourselves,

"Police Officers where is Tom Kelleher?"  

I wasn't surprised that there was no response, common tactic by the criminal element. One man was lying on the couch near the entrance and he would not respond, so Jack hit him on the bottom of his foot with a night stick!  He woke up screaming,

"What the hell's going on!"   

"Hey sleeping beauty," Jack said, "where's Kelleher?"

He stated, "I don't know man! Why the f%#! did you hit me? "

"Shut up stupid!" Jack ordered, "you want to act stupid, you get smacked, so shut up!" 

The other two men in room were either still asleep, or also faking. I heard some snoring coming from a loft like area above the room. I climbed a makeshift ladder to get to the loft shined my Kel - light, seeing a body that the snores were emiting from, I poked and told the snorer,

"Hey asshole wake up, where's Kelleher?"

To my surprise, a naked woman sat up from her sleep She loudly said, 

"F%#!k him! Come to bed honey. I'll give you a good time!"

I quickly came down the ladder looked at Jack laughing at me.  

"Shut up!" I said to Jack.

Meanwhile one of the other men finally awakened.  It was the overly friendly lady's husband, and our perp Tom Kelleher.

He jumped up and shouted,

"Hey what are you doing?  What are you doing up there with my wife.?!"

"Yeah punk," Jack said to the Kelleher, "You better watch him with your wife! That officer may marry your wife!"

"What! You can't do that! We're already married! kelleher shouted at me as Jack handcuffed him. " why are you arresting me?"

"What? You didn't know?" Jack said taking him out of the house to the patrol vehicle. 

"Know what?" Kelleher asked as Jack placed him in the patrol car.

"Your being arrested for being stupid! It's a new law."

"I never heard that law?"

The next day in court, on arraignment, the perp Kelleher, got into an argument with the judge about the new charge. Kelleher told the clueless judge that he didn't think it was right that he was arrested for being stupid, beside the burglary charge.

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