A Rightest Kill (fiction)

Rightest Kill

(C) James J Alonzo

Looking back in life, I can hardly understand the horror of it all. How could I do some of the things I did?  This guilt, it tears at me every day. 

As a squad leader in Viet Nam, I was responsible for my men and their actions. If we were in the jungle with other units, it was easy to get caught up with the mood of others. I broke my ass to keep my men in line, and they knew there were iron clad rules that I would not tolerate being broken. When I spoke of the war, to friends that were not in war, I generally told them the funny stories of the war, and skipped the blood and gore.
 
I never liked to speak of the real War, combat events, or what happened that awful morning in February. It was the tail end of the 1967-68 TET offensive. A lot of American soldiers were killed during this massive battle period. A lot of Vietnamese died too. Some were the enemy, some were innocent, and some we weren't sure, but, still taking no chances, they died too. However, I will speak about the Americans and how some died.  Yes, they weren't Viet Cong, but people won't understand what we went through over there, except it was hell, absolute hell.

Still, that doesn't really excuse what happened. Two of my men had to be punished. Maybe it is not a fair price to pay for saving young VIetnamese girls. The American soldiers in my unit had been forewarned, rape would not be tolerated! 

"So if I catch you raping any women," I told them, "justice will be swift!"

 I should have said something like J J  suggested, and just reported these men to higher ups. However if I had reported them, it would have placed a target on my back and I would of been "Fragged!" 

Instead, that day, I took it on myself to be judge, jury and executioner. What I've reduced myself too for killing people in war is one thing, but killing Americans was another thing. I  thought at the time, that I was justified, therefore guiltless.  I was wrong. I never thought there would be a penance to pay for my actions. It cuts through my heart just to write those words Yet, I must tell what I saw, and did there, it's the only way I will have peace when I leave this wretched earth.

I was just twenty years old, a short temper, and there was a fire in me, a drive to lash out at authority. I was mad, I had heard, on January 31, 1968, at the beginning of the TET offensive, that my Vietnamese girlfriend and her family had been killed by the Viet Cong! 

I was also mad for I got a letter from my wife Nanci that her cousin Ken was critically wound at Khe Sanh, and they didn't know if he would survive. Added to that was the fact we lost many Americans in our Division, even though that was to be expected for we were the 101rst Airborne Division. 

Regardless, I have always had my own code of conduct, right from wrong, good from bad, fair and unfair. Besides having these rules, I had a gun and the right to do whatever the hell I felt like. At least, that was the attitude my military training had given me. 

When TET hit we learned that every city in the country was attacked at the same time by the communists. Communists that hid and worked among the general populace. Some even worked at American base camps through out the country.

The Vietnamese were not to be trusted, we were told. The Viet Cong were blending in with the populace so no one was truly "innocent". And throughout the many battles and firefights of TET, all of our American troopers were exhausted and wanted revenge. 

This day came and it would be the day I could use all this power and anger. My squad was on a company mission, and was called up on a search and destroy mission at this village near Cu Chi in the iron Triangle.

Another mission, another firefight and a chance to get revenge for the people we lost in this war.

 The Captain wanted a search & destroy mission on this particular village and we were going to answer this assignment. (Search & Destroy is the mission of search out the enemy and their supporters, then destroy their supporters, their food caches, and any weapons.) 

 We were ready to follow his orders. We had already been told that the villagers would be gone to market and any remaining people were NLF and VC sympathizers. With that information, we went into the Village area, guns ready. Suddenly we received small arms fire for we drew AK-47 rifle fire! 

All I recall is a pulled trigger and the sound of M16 rifle fire, and the shouting of commands.  We were ordered to fire and fire we did. The chaos around me happened in an instant, and the bulk of firefight was over in a 20 minutes. 

As the fire fight was ending into sporadic fire, i noticed two of my platoon members sneaking off with some women to group of huts to do God knows what. While my actions are unforgivable, I swear to you I have never tolerated rape of anyone. However I would murder anyone who tried to rape.  

After the noise died there was only the stench of cordite, cartridge shells and blood-soaked mud. It was awfully clear that there were no more alive NVA soldiers, Viet Cong or VC operatives. 

The remainder of the Vietnamese were women and children, elderly all huddle in one area, knowing we were going to destroy and burn their village, and transport them to a relocation camp. Knowing what was going to happen, we could see that they had looks of anger on their faces.

We gathered up the weapons and checked the enemy bodies for written intelligence, their bloody bodies crumpled, now silenced. Once again we had sacrificed our humanity. Someone once told me there is no innocence in war I guess he was right. 

i tracked down the two American soldiers, by locating them from the young cries and screams coming from one of the huts. I had found them raping these young girls. As I entreated the hut, I pointed my M-16 at them and ordered them off the tearful girls.  

After the crying girls got up off the ground, clutching their torn clothing, they stood holding each other.  

"You stupid mother fuckers!", I started to chew the soldiers out, but they chose to stand there together, grinning, and cut me off with some smart mouth talk. 

"Hey fuck you sarge," said Jimmy Doyle proudly, " we're just getting ours!"

At that point my patience was over and I pulled the trigger, firing two bursts of three shots into each of their chests!   As the the girls witness this action I knew they had their innocence taken when we exposed them to this brutality, and now these men's deaths.  

I cannot go back in time. I cannot undo the actions I unleashed that day. If only I had been stronger. Maybe something could have been done Maybe I could have been like J J and saved some Americans lives by reporting them, but I didn't though. I just mowed down these animals like they were one and the same as the enemy. 

In war, we used our anger, our fear and our tensions as a blank check to wantonly take life and death into our own hands. I only hope in time we can be forgiven. I hope that God will at least let me see Heaven before He casts me down to Hell, where I belong.